Typhoons, also known as hurricanes and cyclones, are powerful rotating storms that form over warm ocean waters. They are driven by the evaporation of warm water, which rises and condenses, releasing heat that fuels the storm.
odette
Sent through WhatsApp to Jasmin, and Sol. May 2024. Our first reuniting even digitally since the Typhoon Odette, 2021. A few edits and names omitted for the privacy of our lives.
The island was stripped of noise—
I dreamt of this two nights before, the island becoming a bigger ocean, old buildings under the sea turning into sails and enrichment for the wild beings, wild big animals flocking from afar into each other, enjoying the quiet that came from every person who decided to leave. The towers turning into playgrounds and never the same value as a tree. I was in the middle of it all, swimming in deep water, floating and only surrounded by animals. Enjoying the solitude that is within a purer form— the close to its most natural, and "untouched" state.
Then I looked between two of what used to be the top of towers and I saw a Lion. Looking straight at me, and neither of us looked away from our deep diving eye contact. And the lion swam slowly towards me until their mouth was covered by the sea, and only their eyes above water. One last blink for me and the Lion dove in.
And I woke up.
~
I was in the middle of the quieter parts of the island, and the ruins of what were houses and shops were everywhere. Some foundations remained safe and only colored by the ocean, sand and mud. Others were unrecognizable, only sand, pots, dead animals, random hangers, and remnants of what was. There was no longer a wall between us and the Ocean. And I saw this through the light of the stars in the night sky. Footsteps and breathing of people so evident as they look to find something. Each person different as they take in what just happened to all of us. We were three funny women. One who was feverish, another who was limping for her injury and me. Who was fucked back after lightly fucking a man over who, by the way, I was forced to face as I was only able to stay somewhere a few steps away from him before the typhoon. And so Sol asked us to come together as she kids, "I want to tell my kids one day this story and laugh. Let's take a picture on this bench that flew right in front of this house we all looked after." She sat the tripod, and we laugh both in embarrasment and genuine humor, and the silent growing personal process of what the Typhoon gave each of us. Nature never just passes through literally. It goes through us completely. Out. In.
~
Three women journeyed.
Sol was being faced with her childhood. When I say that, I mean that looking back into how she carried that relationship with her cat forced her to hold the baby within herself that her own mother was too hard on. And even in the strength she gathered throughout walking through the Burgos to Pacifico to wherever long road with two other women who just got kicked out of houses they don't own, and houses that no longer exist to home them... She eventually actually faced through difficulties and quick decisions, and the adversity that pushed her to tell me— I want to go back "home." To her mother. To an island that she's also known.
And she took the brave step to leave when the opportunity came in the matter of 2 days within General Luna. She saves herself, by facing her self outside again. This time, she is unarmored, but fortified through a baring of her Soul by grief's work.
Jas was being faced with her heart. Easier than what we have joked in the past, her ex-lover became an easy forgiveness, and an accepted path. The tragedy of the storm is not equal to the pain in her heart about all that was done to her, but maybe it was almost close to the strength of the Love that exists inside of her, that went through mazes still to build somewhat of a Home to a man who we joked, "goes inward". In the turbulence of a limping body, a naked reality, and the ruins that may have reminded her of the treasure she remains to see in the ruins of her past, she picks it up. Packs her things in a bag, laughs and compassionately allows her sadness to be revealed as all three of us do too. One way or another, whether it is sweat or tears... even hysterical laughter.
We listen. We accept. We know it is Love, even if we are nowhere near trusting that completely.
She voyages to trust the Universe and I only hear remnants of what she chose to finish and make known before she leaves this island. Everybody takes a change before they die. She takes a chance of a Love that is not limited to a reconcilation of a movie... But a reconciliation of her heart that loved and can love herself and the Truth of the past. And when it was done, after everything,
She knew she wanted to be with herself. So she let herself rest the Love that never stopped.
As for me,
I was in denial about a man I left before I traveled to this island. My friends could tell I was still in love with him even if I deny it. And I poured and projected all the things I didn't do with him (like stay, fuck around a little, give the boy some grace) to a boy who I know now that I played. People like to think I was the innocent one but to be honest... I think I'm just better at hiding my devious tactics. Even to myself. And though, I did not want more, I told myself that I did. I played myself the best.
And maybe since a man kept giving it to me willingly without me asking, I should give it a shot right? But no— even the Gods have something planned.
"We know that is not Love." And hence, I chose my friends. A love stronger than this fantasy rebound playtime in this island, and we sailed (we walked for three hours) and I'm happy I did. Looking back now, I was blessed with
a woman who reminds me to remember I'm enough
a woman who reminds me to forgive myself for not believing it enough to stay
a cat who I named Pahinga, divinely resting with and for me until the day she died and I left the island I wanted to stay for
the island who spoiled me after, even as my friends left,
friends showed up to give me relief without me asking, lifts and laughters and hot chicken fresh kill, and hope through the night and,
I know what Odette gave me—
the opportunity to finally just be me, and completely receive.
That is her magic.
It is the Typhoon's gift.
And though there will be many stories and truths I have not written between our lines and pages,
the important part for you, my reader,
Is to know that the most natural occurences,
the most natural disasters,
the most natural changes,
will bring you
You.
I still remember the faces of the people after.
In the heart of Burgos was the eye of the Typhoon.
Most of Burgos’ homes and houses were on the ground, part of an extended shore. The people walked in a daze, some tired from keeping up with the typhoon in the case of structures fighting for their life, some shocked by the impact of this Super Typhoon, most in a state of wonder… wondering… wandering… “Where is my Home?”, and picking up pieces of what they recognize and wish to keep, rebuild with, or survive with.
I wasn’t from here. I was from Catangnan, the backroad with easy access to the wild road if I ever wanted to come into the capital city. It just so happened I missed my flight. I loved the island too much- took my time with Unog, who is probably my “apprentice” in swimming and fun as I spent my supposed temporary last day of 2021 in the waters with my students.
I was in Burgos because I missed my flight, and I had a friend who saw this coming from a mile away- that I’d end up staying.
The road was blocked on the way to a house I needed to visit before the airport, and a friend who I left my passport with so I can grab it quick and easy before I travel was asked to stay longer at work. Even my habal needed to gas up.
I was shocked at the travel of it all that I even made up something stupid telling the attendant “I was stuck in traffic.” I meant it though. Just not in the way they thought.
Totally made it unbelievable though, and regardless the gate was closed.
I went back, and my friend was already waiting for me. She was sick and catching a fever already. We rode the hours back to the house we were going to house sit for her friend that left for Manila this holiday.
Jasmin, who I became friends with already before that moment, was still stubborn about staying in her beachfront hut. Or seawall front hut. Gratefully, upon neighbors explaining to her more persuasively that the Supertyphoon was not going to be a light graze to her hut, she dragged her injured leg to join us two in that house 3 blocks away and near the sea wall.
I picked up water for us in my pink nightgown. They find the whole thing hilarious- the sight of that thrifted, dainty, vintage pink nightgown, and my two arms occupied with the 5-gallon water jug kicking the door open.
We laugh at the inside jokes we had, and the private conversations that dug deep at our common fear of being hurt like we were at its personal worst.
We knew Odette was coming. It didn’t mean we knew what was going to happen.
I write this now, nearing 4 years later, and I still laugh. It was all too real, I didn’t even realize how much I didn’t share because I felt like I shared it fully already- with the people who was in that moment, and on that island, and especially who I had moments with still the days after.
But I’m doing my best to be generous with the details more, so people understand beyond the conceptuality trying to summarize it could make it out to be.
Because it’s not a concept.
It was never!
It has been raining heavy the past days in Laguna, and I went outside. Normally, I’d enjoy the rain and dance with it if I wanted to. Some times, it’s a reminder of the intensity of Odette-
a distressed wind, unable to lighten, strong in Nature,
the trees bending further than they have,
animals fearing what’s going on,
and a sense of grief and weariness in the air.
It was kind of like those days.
10:51am, July 20, 2025
The sun is out and I’m relieved. My emotions cleared, expressed, and so my voice feels at ease. Throat unconstrained unless I effort it. The emotional safety allows me to type this in one go…
I still remember the way I only got to cry once I was away from the house I was inside in while the Supertyphoon was happening.
I function highly in a crisis, and it shows.
When I let Pahinga rest on my chest, I told her everything.
“I found you right outside the house I was in. You closed your eyes, I think you thought it was still happening. I felt like you needed another heartbeat and just a hold to protect you from that fear. I was scared too… But not as much as you. I wonder where you came from. Houses flew, so did structures, and even foundations. Where were you?
The cat whisper felt loud as if the air was it.
I came from Catangnan. Before that I came from nowhere and everywhere. I grew up in Manila. I was blessed. I don’t feel that heartbreak of people who lived and breathed Siargao the minute they were born until now without leaving because of that.
I think God placed me here so I can feel a safety I never did too.
I was a stray cat like you. I’m sorry I projected my childhood “thriving” which was really unfair high-functioning unto you. You made me realize that.
What happened?
I don’t know…
All I know is that the Soul of Siargao was tired.
I know that she doesn’t feel so tired now.
I think people are realizing how much we add and take from each other. Especially, the Earth…
You were so cute! I just fell in love. “
Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
To Pahinga, 2022
I was in a van. I cried like a motherfucker.
You’re in heaven now; you were one of the deepest reasons I stayed.
I felt like I finished something important inside me.
God never wanted me to leave and do the same thing.
I love this Home.
I don’t know where Home is…
Scratch that- I do. This Earth.
I don’t know if I am one now.
I don’t know if I can take it if I say no.
I don’t know if I want to know.
But, because of you, I want to be.
I really really want to be.
To Siargao
Thank you to Siargao for holding me through this.
I fell in love with your moon many moons ago, but it was different tonight.
I felt quiet tonight.
This is what it feels like to not feel… needed nor tied to anybody.
I’m so devoted that even to my friends, my loyalty is for their success- how come I feel empty but happy today?
I feel relieved.
I fell in love with the guiltless feeling because I’m away,
no signal,
no excuses to make because I had every excuse.
It says a lot.
Me worrying for other people rather than me after and during the Supertyphoon.
“Ma’s gonna have a heart attack. She doesn’t even know I’m here. Lol…”
You always loved me. I never felt empty from your Love.
You always knew something others didn’t.