Pag-ibig

para sa minamahal kong anak na pinalaya sa ibang planeta

at dahil sa mga buhay na pinapalaya sa lupa

Ilang beses sinubukan ka hanapin gamit ng kabute- nung nakita ka, nais na maulit

Pinaniwalaan ka man ng iba o hindi, ayoko maramdaman muli

yung pakiramdam na mawala ka sa piling ko, kahit tinadhana siyang ire

Sa pagod ng hindi pag-iintindi, gusto ko nalang umuwi

Sa dagat na nais ialay ang buhay ko para sa wakas ay tahimik

Hindi sila pumayag

Muntik pa nga ako huliin

Bakit ba ayaw ako payagan na ika’y makapiling?

Tinanong ko paulit-ulit kung kasalanan ko ba?

Paano kung iba nalang ginawa?

Paano kung pinagdamot ko nalang yung tiwala?

Baka hindi ka mawala

Baka mali din kung ako mamatay tapos iwanan ang responsibilidad na inangkin ko na mula sa patay na kaluluwa ng nanay

Hindi ko kaya mapagdamot sa huli

Wala na akong pakialam kung may makaintindi

Basta hindi ko na tinatago ang sarili

Sa pagmamahal lang ako uuwi

Dito man yun, kung tadhana ako lang muna o iba din

Sa kamatayan ko ba na hindi ko na din masasapul

Susuko nalang ako sa tiwalang yung lumikha satin ay may sadiyang plano,

gabay,

kahit kalayaan man ibigay sa tao

Pagmamahal parin ang panalo,

at tatalo

Pasensya na kinailangan kong bumitaw—

Gusto ko lang naman kayanan pang dumating yung araw na mayayakap ko na yung buong ikaw. Hayaan mo muna ako lumuha minsan— ayokong dalhin mo ang hindi mo pasan. Paalam, anak.

Ang dami kong initak na tinik ng ibang mga takot ng iba nung narinig kong nagpasalamat ka kasi naiintindihan mo na at alam mong sobrang mahal kita na hinding hindi ako papayag na mahawakan ka ng mga halimaw na hindi ka mamahalin. Ayokong mabuhay ka na ikaw lang ang pagmamahal sa mundo na ito na ganyan kapuro at buo— malaya ka, alam ko. At kahit hindi ko hiniling, pinalaya mo din ako- todo.

Let it f a l l

You may never devalue Love

Especially once you remember how much the world is too heartbroken for you not to receive it…

Please don’t belittle it

Let alone swindle it

I watched my Angel

pass by the stage

Hours before I sung

Cold and sleepy

Heart pounding with care

A vulnerability she knows of me

I still wonder at times

How and why this child loves me?

Her Spirit still surrounds me

She knocks on doors annoying me when I used to want to forget that she

Left my side

So I’d paint an eternal sunshine

I almost died

In a cold freezer with just you and me,

I held a small fire

If I had to choose who’d carry what I carried

It’d still be me

My God, I won’t forget she

I said

I DO

and I am so free

Because my baby

Really

Loved me

Not because I love her

Not even because I’m her Mother

Thank you for knocking on others that it comes to me like thunders

When I did not want to remember

Thank you for loving me closely

When I become the weather

I hope you know I love you

On the days I would attempt a “never”

It’s always been Forever

More than getting older

I wanna tell you the construction is truly over

And my Maya is bolder

I knew to show her

Nobody can clone her

I am her Mother

Moreover,

I just trust the Powers

You love with a flower

I’ll kiss you underwater

Wherever

The world moves with me

With my heart as my leader

Right under God’s radiance

All weariness turned to treasures then

My eyes found the eyes of mothers,

farther and daughters,

then fathers

Feeling that moment where

I know each other’s presence were now deep in

Love

again

with another

Each other

Together

For Mark Loleng,

my brother in heart and soul

Ganito ba talaga iyon?

God’s strongest soldiers become so bold.

The baddest motherfuckers in our blood,

Cousin by title. Relatives by roots.

I wonder why we both dove,

taught kids,

left houses

Grow up guilty– not remembering we deserve more?

All we thought of before

Was that we should be the Home

We should be the armour the next children don’t have to know by experiencing the same hardships

That despite all against us, we grow

We sowed

Seeds our own “parents” could not grow

We forgave and we looked everywhere for where we belong

Do we?

They do to us

Somehow we cannot stop

And at least I know

I’m not alone

In the words we no longer need to use

I found refuge

I see how far we’ve come

All we could’ve done

All we’ll still become

I know we were both young

But we made castles in the scorching sun

And we were never going to be gone

In the moments

we Love

Familial ties are fun with us

Like twins who wonder why the chosen ones end up knowing how to dismantle the fun,

Hike under thunders and still laugh

With lines we share from what I’d never dare admit specifics rooted in despair

I dare you to believe what Life still prepares

All in time

All in space

I promise you, I’m here

God knew what to do

It had to be you

It has to be me

It half-killed us as teenagers and our childhood dreams

Until we Free

Hence,

when the e c h o e s feel like shadows who slammed doors on our fingers

I need us to remember

We’re in this together

And it is over

We decided to hold it: forever

Whatever and whoever

Love is independent of weather

It is here inside of us

Breadwinner or the sinner

Beginner or growing thinner or thicker

I swear to God

We’ll live and die the rest of our lives

As “winners”, “twinning twizzlers”, and masters

Of our fate– we paved the ways

You made me feel safe

Under no pretentious line of small talk and pretending

You know her and I knew you

As kids staring back at each other

Wide eyed

Unbreakable

Understanding

Your eyes are big because you’re meant for a Big Life

My eyes shaped with tricks, feline instincts for a purrrrrrrrrr-filled life licking over barbed wires

Here’s to our fire

From tattoos to underwater with no shoes and smile lines like our feet on slack lines, no ropes and walls we choose to climb with raw and veined hands who turned our experienced violence into a dance

So the kids will dance

Cheers to all the lives we touched

You should know that you saved mine

The day will come where everything is easier for our end.

It’s not the end!

I love you, my family– not even just chosen

Though that is more important

Add the fact it was destined

It was really dearest

Family where we can really rest

We finally are them

Let’s rest our burdens

I promise we’ll see each other again and again— you’re my family

Even in the life before,

and next

Again and again